Slightly Emotional

This week has been a wild ride on the adoption front. The friends that have been working on adopting from Rwanda also, received pictures of their new boys. Nate and Zack are just a sweet as can be! They are both 6 mos. old and they passed all the blood test, so the family will be leaving on the 21st to go get them.

It is such a happy time and we are excited for them. What we did not expect was the overwhelming sadness for us. Then you are mad at yourself for feeling sad, so now I'm wrapped up in sad, mad and frustrated that our process is taking longer. That can be a bad combination. And if I hear one more well meaning person say "At least the other family got their boys", I'm going to scream. What are we chopped liver?

Here is what I have learned in this very hard, emotional week. If this is how my sweet SIL felt for the 5 years that we were able to have 2 children and she was not, no wonder a phone was broken against a wall. I had no idea the pain could permeate every cell of your body and I have only dealt with it for a week. I feel like I owe her an apology for not being more understanding. I will also never again try to throw in some sugary feel good statement like "Don't worry, it will all work out", or "In God's time". No one loves the Lord more than me, but during these times saying nothing is so much better than trying to fix it in a 5 second conversation. I'd rather someone just say "That sucks" and give me a hug.

We have been told that Monday morning our missionary friends are going back to the Ministry and hopefully our letter will be ready and we will identify our son this week. We also know that you have to translate everything into Africa time, so one day usually equals 4. We are still waiting on INS, but once we have our approval letter from Rwanda we have a senator's office ready to call INS and hurry thing up. I am still praying that we will be home before school starts.

Friends who have been at this exact spot during an adoption assure me that it is worth it and we won't hardly remember all the waiting. I trust them and know they are right. But tonight it sucks, and I need a hug....

Monday June 18

The word of the day is HARD. Adoption is HARD. That word keeps popping up today in different conversations. It's no wonder people don't do this more often. Here is a brief rundown of where we are in the process:

Friday we went in for our last set of fingerprints at INS. Yes, this is the same stuff that DHS did, but you have to do them again. So we are anywhere from 30-60 days from getting the piece of paper that says we can identify our child.

Today we went in got our 2nd set of shots. We should be cootie free for the rest of our lives!

We also found out that there is a letter we are suppose to have that we don't have and blah blah blah....so the emails get started and begging continues. Hopefully this will be fixed quickly and will be no biggie.

Fundraising has been slightly disappointing, but we have complete faith that God will provide.

Waiting is Hard, paper work is Hard, being emotionally stressed all the time is Hard, not knowing is Hard. But I have a bigger fear of standing before Jesus and telling him I quit because it was too hard; and then him holding out his hands. This is nothing compared to what he did for me. I will keep on keepin' on as my mama always says.

Thanks to those of you who are praying for us. Please don't stop.

Happy Easter

So, last night before bed I tell my sweet, excited kids "do not get out of bed or else you will scare the Easter bunny away". Normal mom stuff, right? Fast forward to 4:00 a.m. and I hear a noise next to my bed, so I reach out my hand...right as Paige projectile barfs all over my arm. Dave jumps out of bed, grabs towels and we try to wake up enough to figure out what just happened and why the dog is eating off the carpet. She throws up 2-3 more times then catches her breath long enough to look up at me and say "mom, I ran really fast in here so don't worry I didn't scare the bunny." then she barfed some more.

There goes my mom of the year award again this year. Dang.

Happy Easter to you!

Monday, March 19th

We turned in our paperwork today! The process is official! Next Wed. is our 4-5 hour home study. I'm a little apprehensive, but nothing a google search won't help improve. I'm not sure yet if they are going to open all the cabinets and white glove it, or just hide in the corner and take notes as I parent. Both could be dangerous!!

The support from our friends is overwhelmingly awesome. I have had one friend in particular that eased many of the "I have no baby things" freak out session. She has volunteered to give me a shower, and has offered a ton of her own hand-me-downs. What an angel she is!

A shower, it hadn't even crossed my mind. This is so different than either of my other kids. I couldn't care less about baby themes, matching furniture, or $60 diaper bags. Diapers are more than the orphans have right now. I love the clarity of this! I wish I had this with both kids.

Dave is out of town for a few days and I was really looking forward to some fun alone time with the kids, but we all woke up with fevers. So, out came the bed in the couch, popcorn and movies. Not a great way to start Spring Break! But anytime spent snuggling with the kids is a good time!!

Thanks for following another day. Hopefully we will have something exciting to report soon.

Sat. March 17th

Happy St. Patty's Day!

I copied the below text from a missionary's blog. It spoke volumes to me.




I’ve bitten my tongue for a long time about the urgency of the task, but do not believe I could be a faithful messenger of the Gospel and remain silent any longer. If you read old missionary letters or missions’ history the urgency of the missionary task has always been a core part of the missionary message. Unfortunately, in contemporary American Christianity urgency seems to no longer be a feel good topic. Instead, we frequently use pseudo-spiritual mumbo jumbo as a cop out as we longer attempt great things for God. When we don’t have enough courage to attempt historic endeavors we use the phrase “the will of God” to baptize our own failures of vision and action. I’m convinced it’s always God’s will to make disciples. We don’t wait for perfect timing, methods, or messengers. I’m also convinced there are seasons in history in which the Lord opens up opportunities that are truly out of the ordinary. There are seasons in which His spirit moves across a city, people, or nation; and prepares them for great receptivity. When His Spirit moves in such a way, the wise farmer heavily invests in such receptive soils. I’m convinced this is happening now in Rwanda, and it is time to respond.

I’ll only use one biblical story that has always terrified me to make my point. In Numbers 13 and 14, twelve spies were sent to spy out the Promised Land. They returned unanimously convinced that the land was one of abundance. However, only two believed the Lord’s strength was sufficient to take the land. Ten of those who were gifted leaders chose to lead the people in doubt, fear, and rebellion. As a result an entire generation was set aside. Forty years later, a new generation would arise to take the land. The text is clear that it was God’s will for the Promised Land to be taken by the nation of Israel. However, the first generations lack of faith and courage became the deciding factor in what God would do with them.

Are there times today, in which God places before us an opportunity that requires faith and courage, and instead we complain, fear, and simple do not act? I’m convinced there are many. My great fear is that I’ll be one who is set aside until God rises up a generation who will follow him with their full heart.

My good friend Justin Rudasingwa said similar words to me in November 2004 as he grew weary of American Christians who loved the idea of ministering in Rwanda, but would not commit to going – “The facts have been found. How many fact finding missions do we need? Who will come?”

Our family could escape our responsibility no longer, and chose to come to Rwanda in June 2005. We have been amazed at what we have seen. The opportunities are amazing and we ask for others to now partner with us in this great endeavor for God. The task is urgent. I don’t believe the historic tragedies of Rwanda were God’s will. Instead they indict our failures to be God’s people

Wed. March 14th.

Today was an amazing day of God moments that continue to prove that our decision is the right one.

I started out the morning at my usual Wed. am bible study. We are doing a series by Beth Moore on the fruit of the spirit. In our video session she began talking about her adoption and the impact it had on her children. With tears streaming down my face, I thanked God for his amazing timing. We were suppose to watch that session 2 weeks ago, but due to the weather we were delayed. Perfect Timing!

After the bible study we had a luncheon and at my table I was talking about the adoption to a few friends. Some ladies behind us were also chatting about it and I told them my story. These loving women assured me that we were doing the right thing and that they would be praying for us. The question of money came up and I told them that we were not sure how much it was going to cost yet, but we are figuring about $10,000. In the adoption world that is a drop in the bucket, but in our one income family that is a HUGE stretch. Several of them said they would be willing to help us financially because they were "too old" to adopt. (age is just a number!) My heart was warmed! What generosity and faith they have! I am so thankful to be in a church family that would support a "new" family. (We just placed membership with Quail in Aug. of 06, but have been members of the Church of Christ forever!)


I can't thank you enough for partnering with us in prayer and helping us to bring our child home. I can't wait to tell him the story of his adoption and all the hearts that were involved in getting him here to us.

The emotional craziness of God laying this adoption on our hearts is fading, but the peaceful feeling of my child being in Rwanda is very real. I do not feel panicked, or desperate. Just driven to get things done in a timely fashion.

Thanks you again for your prayers and for taking the time to read this long post. Please keep praying for God's wisdom over our lives.