Slightly Emotional

This week has been a wild ride on the adoption front. The friends that have been working on adopting from Rwanda also, received pictures of their new boys. Nate and Zack are just a sweet as can be! They are both 6 mos. old and they passed all the blood test, so the family will be leaving on the 21st to go get them.

It is such a happy time and we are excited for them. What we did not expect was the overwhelming sadness for us. Then you are mad at yourself for feeling sad, so now I'm wrapped up in sad, mad and frustrated that our process is taking longer. That can be a bad combination. And if I hear one more well meaning person say "At least the other family got their boys", I'm going to scream. What are we chopped liver?

Here is what I have learned in this very hard, emotional week. If this is how my sweet SIL felt for the 5 years that we were able to have 2 children and she was not, no wonder a phone was broken against a wall. I had no idea the pain could permeate every cell of your body and I have only dealt with it for a week. I feel like I owe her an apology for not being more understanding. I will also never again try to throw in some sugary feel good statement like "Don't worry, it will all work out", or "In God's time". No one loves the Lord more than me, but during these times saying nothing is so much better than trying to fix it in a 5 second conversation. I'd rather someone just say "That sucks" and give me a hug.

We have been told that Monday morning our missionary friends are going back to the Ministry and hopefully our letter will be ready and we will identify our son this week. We also know that you have to translate everything into Africa time, so one day usually equals 4. We are still waiting on INS, but once we have our approval letter from Rwanda we have a senator's office ready to call INS and hurry thing up. I am still praying that we will be home before school starts.

Friends who have been at this exact spot during an adoption assure me that it is worth it and we won't hardly remember all the waiting. I trust them and know they are right. But tonight it sucks, and I need a hug....